Saturday, 16 February 2019

"Lies are like pain killers"

Lies are good 
And lies are fatal 
Like we all know there is no individual on this planet that has not lied and yet we judge human behavior on the amount of lies they speak 

Whether it’s a child or a professional, we all love in our make-believe world. Every action and every result we attract is based on thoughts and habits we cultivate.

Some beautiful lies 

I can change the world. 
There is no other human as emotional as me. 
He loves me the most. 
I am the best.

When we say this to ourselves it means the truth to us. You may have heard about the fact that there is no such proven truth that cannot be challenged by someone who has a different personality or perception of life.

Yes what I mean to share through these confusing statements is we all lie and to a certain extent we do it consciously and many a time we do it subconsciously. A lie is spoken with the intention of protecting oneself or the other person from pain. 

The most horrific lie is the one we tell ourselves. 
Keeping the armor of lies prevents the truth from coming out into the public eye. Social media itself is a huge tool into helping people project themselves as what we call ‘super achievers’.

Well, a lie is effective only when the other person truly believes in it and takes actions based on it. 

A lie is the beginning and the end of many beautiful experiences. 

Farida was a young entrepreneur who believed in honesty and conquering the world through her skills and talents 
She had a simple dream to live life king size and enjoy the adventures of this world. She was an honest and outspoken girl. She set out with working hard and scaling higher and higher. She started traveling the world and she met a handsome young man at a coffee shop in Italy.
He wooed her with his charm and bought her expensive gifts in the coming three weeks. She got deeper and deeper into the relationship dreaming about a beautiful life with him. He seemed perfect to her. She mended her habits and looks as per his liking.
Her inner voice pinched her many a times asking her to be herself, not to pretend to enjoy each and every new rule he imposed on her. 

She said to herself the biggest lie she could ever have told herself 

He loves me and I love him back so it’s worth pretending and it’s worth giving up on my values after all I am in love 
I can do anything for him.
He is just perfect for me.

Within a few months, she was a completely changed personality. She spent more than she earned she wanted to please him to the extent that he would marry her.
It was a fairy-tale wedding. 
The moment she moved in together the excitement of wooing each other was over. And life started with a mundane cup of coffee to making the beds to fall asleep after a stressful workday. As habits die hard the original personality surfaced and she started hating him. 
She hated him for not giving her attention, not taking her out, not buying her gifts, not even listening to her conversation. So the small fights started and those broke into bigger ones.

It was a shock to her when he first jammed his fist into her jaw. 
She fell to the floor and cried for hours.
He didn’t even look back nor did he offer and apologize. 
The pain subsided she added a cold compress to her jaw and within a week she was back to normal. The horrific experiences of being into an abusive relationship made her believe in another lie. 
He is not like this it’s just that I was rude.
He still loves me.

And as a few months passed she did her best to keep him happy and life was close to normal.

It was a Friday evening and she planned a surprise for him with her friends.
She wore her best outfit and bought him his favorite wine and walked out of home telling him she is traveling out of town for work and will be back next week. He was happy to see her off and asked her to take care of herself.
Smiling from ear to ear she bid him goodbye. 
Little did she know it was the last time she would see him. 
As planned she and her friends walked into her apartment to surprise him with a bunch of flowers wine and some great music and they found the apartment empty. She was confused where he could have gone early Sunday morning. She found the drawers of cupboards empty.
For a few moments, she consoled herself. 
It’s OK he must have gone out.

When all her friends left after searching through the drawers she found a note. 

Dear Farida,
I am writing this letter to let you know that I have moved out and will not be returning. 
I do not want to live with a person who is fake and temperamental. 

Even before she could read any further, Farida’s world shattered around her. She was heartbroken and disillusioned.

I met her after almost a year, she was recommended to me for mentoring and when I sat down with her 
I realized she was a really talented woman who had lost herself. 

She needed to take charge.

It was time she saw her life the way it was and not the lie she was telling herself 

From a broken, shattered individual who blamed her husband for everything she went through, we transformed her mindset to taking responsibility and developing a take charge attitude.

Where nothing held her back for more than a few minutes or a few hours, she built her life from a deft filled past to abundance filled present. 
It was not a miracle.
Farida worked on herself developing habits and skills using tools that empowered her to take charge of her life 

She is still single and has bigger dreams. 

Now she does not have a lie to fall back on or a make-believe world. 
Today she is in charge and that helps her achieve whatever she wishes to.

We all lie a little.
But the most damaging lie is the one we tell ourselves. 

Take charge of what you believe! 
Your belief becomes your thoughts. 
Your thoughts become your actions. 
And your actions will give you outcomes. 

How are you planning to take charge of your life? 
Discover tools and stratigraphy that help you take charge. 

Stay Empowered

Gemini Dhar
Take Charge Expert & Author